71: To Resign or Not to Resign

Greg hosts a panel discussion about resigning from the church. Panelists include: Tom Kimball, Matt Nokleby, Amy and Heather. Each panelist has a different opinion on resignation and has made different choices about doing so. The episode also includes a brief explanation on the process and links to resources for help through the process are available on their website.

 

Play

Resources on how to Resign:

Mormon Resignation.com
Exmormon.org
Mormon No More.com (includes instructions for resigning in Canada)
Utah Lighthouse Ministries

 

note: link to Bednar’s message to families of apostates

13 Comments

  1. Owl

    So what’s this Elder Bednar Talk that is being mentioned? I must have missed something.

    Reply Jun 05, 2014 @ 00:24:36
  2. KL

    My situation is a bit different then anyone on the panel. My husband is an active and dedicated member. Our children are nearing the age of baptism. For me I needed to make my membership clear for myself and the ward. Resigning was the absolutely very best thing for me and my individual family. Before I couldn’t enter the ward building without bringing along all of my own baggage of the church. Once I resigned, it changed for me. I had drawn my boundaries. I am no longer a member (even though I agree with Heather, I am sure they still count me in the overall numbers). I can honestly say to people in the ward that I am not a member. I still attend sacrament meeting each week with my family and can do it without my baggage. I am there solely to support my husband and kids. And then I leave and see them 2 hours later. Of course my preference would be for none of us to go. And if that were the case maybe I wouldn’t have made the decision to resign. But since that is not my family’s situation, resigning was the very best thing for my marriage and my personal mental health. (as far as I know none of our extended family know of my resignation. I’m sure I’ll get some heat if they ever do learn of it.)

    Reply Jun 05, 2014 @ 14:32:40
    • Owl

      My family has been considering a similar arrangement. Neither of us believe the foundational truth claims but my spouse is still very attached to the culture and a few of the unique ideas of mormonism. I’d love to be out, she wants to stay in. We’ve talked about whether having me resign would be a good way to get people to respect the boundaries there.

      Reply Jun 06, 2014 @ 01:02:53
  3. JH

    To respond to the idea that resigning is effectively meaningless:

    I resigned from the church about 3 years ago when I got tracked down and contacted by a local EQP. It was annoying enough that I could be bothered to write an e-mail and talk to a bishop about it. I sent an e-mail, got a phone call and it was done.

    Recently, my wife (who was baptized but never attended church growing up or as an adult) was contact by the local single’s ward. They had no idea she was married or that her name had changed. Subsequently they sent missionaries over. She decided she wanted to resign as well, so they wouldn’t be following her around anymore.

    Fast forward a couple months and the local bishop finally gets around to talking to us about it. He had no idea that I was ever a member, served a mission, etc. I told him that I had resigned a few years ago and he indicated that was why he knew nothing about me.

    So, in my experience, resigning DOES mean they stop following you around and trying to reactivate you. Whether they count me as part of their 15 million or not is irrelevant, as long as no more overzealous EQPs try to get me to start doing my home teaching.

    Reply Jun 05, 2014 @ 18:19:16
  4. Brian

    I resigned in part because I think it is the compassionate thing to do. Some poor guy or gal sees a name on a list and feels guilt if they don’t go visit you.

    Reply Jun 06, 2014 @ 18:42:30
  5. Steve

    Matt brought up an interesting point about his family not knowing about his status. I’ve heard that if you resign, your parents would find out about it when they go in for tithing settlement and notice your name is missing from the family record. Can anyone confirm or deny? I wonder how many folks who have considered resigning have held out doing so because they’re afraid their parents would find out.

    Reply Jun 08, 2014 @ 11:22:25
    • Heather C.

      Unfortunately, I don’t know if this has ever been fully verified. But, it honestly wouldn’t surprise me.

      Reply Jun 17, 2014 @ 20:19:40
  6. matt snell

    there are so many things I have in common with Heather. She expressed my reason for not resigning….yet. I never, ever, not even for a nanosecond want to give the impression that the white male geritocracy is an authority to me. The only way they inform my life is to be held up as an example of what not to be. If by some crazy cruel twist of fate, the church is true, I totally want outer darkness. I wish you guys had talked more about the “authority” thing.

    Reply Jun 11, 2014 @ 14:03:00
    • Heather C.

      By “authority” thing, do you mean the idea that the church claims authority it doesn’t have?

      Reply Jun 17, 2014 @ 20:20:19
      • matt snell

        when you commented that you didn’t want to allow any credibility to the notion that church leadership still is an authority in your life. That is my reasoning precisely for not resigning. To me if I play by their rules by resigning even if it’s a very brief moment, I’m admitting they have authority in my life. I don’t like it.
        Also, on radiowest I heard the spokesperson once again say “15 million members”. I love it when they say that….yeah, keep believing your delusion. It’ll make the demise that much more painful and joyous.
        so number 1 reason – not wanting to play by their rules
        number 2 – pure and delightsome schadenfreude

        Reply Jun 19, 2014 @ 11:11:03
  7. Chelsi

    Thanks for this :)

    Reply Jun 11, 2014 @ 22:36:01
  8. To resign or not resign, that is the question…. |

    […] to listen too. And I found one by Mormon Expositor Podcast. And it has such a great title: 71: To Resign or Not to Resign. Looks like this one was posted up on June 4th 2014. So give it a listen like I am going to do. And […]

    Reply Dec 06, 2014 @ 17:52:48

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